Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Pft! No Lemons Here

Didja know that, in the sleeping cycle, REM sleep lengthens towards morning? Or that, chocolate chip cookies keep surprisingly well in really airtight containers?

Oh dear, my sincerest apologies. I am not a morning person yet here I am, writing a blog post over a breakfast of chocolate chip cookies and tea. I do find it hard to get my engines, both physical end mental, running each morning. My body has a natural affinity to resilient horizontal surfaces while my mind prefers navigating a world that only manifests itself when my eyes flicker under closed lids.

Anyway, I've had several dreams this morning but, unfortunately, I can remember only two. Or, should I say, I was fortunate enough to remember two?

A group of men tried to burgle our house. In broad daylight. While we are still there. Either that or they're planning to take us hostage; somehow, their first priority was gaining entry into the structure. I have to give them credit, though; they managed to make it past our gates, which are ALWAYS locked.

In any case, it was a group comprised of three men, who all look the same, a wannabe-punkboy and a dog. The three men seem to be of the same age as me, or older by up to two years, have wild, fiery-reddish hair, kinda like a cross between the Ouran twins, Ron Weasly and Tasuki. The younger boy, was a fair-skinned cute boy, with the same hairstyle as me (or better, I think; it wasn't as shaggy as mine) and has a deep, soft voice, which I recognize to be nearly the same as my neighbor's. The dog was a Spanish Mastiff who, for some reason, is capable of walking as a biped. Its bite also has a rather firm grip, as I found to my pain. A quick search at Wikipedia revealed that the Greeks also used these dogs in battle because of their strength. Figures, huh?

Nevertheless, these intruders were intercepted by me and my sibs; As skirmishes broke out, I remember successfully fending off or, more precisely, dodging two of the triplets before getting attacked by the dog, which forced me to fall back into our foyer. With no other "cool" recourse, I had to slam the door close, which, of course, didn't go that smoothly considering there were two pairs of arms struggling like octopus tentacles and salesmen's feet to keep the door open and two rows of sharp teeth nipping at my wrist. I eventually managed to get it closed and, quickly looking round, found that my sibs has done the same with the other door.

Our defensive victory was not long lived as the front window smashed inwards and three pairs of hands entered the breach and, once again, struggled to get a hold of something... like slimy tentacles in a shokushu hentai "art" film. It looked rather ridiculous and, on hindsight, it IS totally ridiculous for, as I moved to defend, I conveniently had our large kitchen knife in my right hand. Well, I did try lopping at their wrists but it wasn't soon before the blade's progress was hampered by bone. So I took the path of least resistance, which means filleting the top of their arms, scraping the radius and/or the ulna before exiting their wrists. All in all, I managed to fillet five arms before the last triplet withdrew the last of their arms left intact.

With the filleting done, they all stood subdued as lined up in front of us, as though the police had arrived. None were present, at least, none that I recall. We did manage to interview them. The triplets were rather nonchalant jerks, except the one who still had an intact arm. He was smiling sheepishly, apologizing for the "inconvenience" they have caused us and scratching his head with his intact arm. The others, stripped of the muscles of their lower arms, just stood there. The boy we subjected to a serious upbraiding, lecturing about the company people should keep and how serious the matter is. Oh, alright, so maybe he wasn't so young, maybe he was around 17 or 18, but, to me, he really still IS a boy.

The dog, I found in our shed, muzzled and docile. I remember asking my dad if we could, perhaps, "accidentally" have another pet dog? After all, he looks useful, considering he can play the piano too! How did I know? Well, we also "accidentally" received an upright piano, which the daytime burglars just so conveniently happened to bring along with them. The doggie walked up to it, tugged on the leash in my sister's hand and, well, just played the keyboard! So yeah, our family does counter-steal from those who try to steal from us but that's not the point. Anyway, my dad objected to my request as, he claims, it might still have the programming our prisoners instilled into it, no matter how calm and obedient he looks at the moment.

And then I woke up. And, just now, I realized that it's getting rather late and I have to be at work an hour from now. I'll stop here for the meantime and carry on sometime later.


So... welcome to the future, folks. It is now evening and dinner was two hours past but my mind is still as drowsy as it was this morning and my body as sluggish.

Perhaps it wasn't such a brilliant idea to have deferred writing about the second dream. Truth be told, I don't remember much about it and the few fragments I do remember, my somewhat-awake mind realizes to be quite incriminating. If you really need the gory details, let it be known that it was about me and a girl stumbling into a party comprised of twelve girls, at least one of them pre-pubescent, and one boy, all on vacation. And a corpse whose existence was hinted to be manifest upstairs but was never visually confirmed. And a mysterious mansion floored with cabernet carpet in the middle of a forest. (I have the feeling that me and my partner detective are originally part of the group, only we were late in coming. Too late to save that guy upstairs, anyway) And... no, let's leave it at that, shall we?

Yeah, I know. Such a sucky future, huh? Well, c'est la vie.