Our eyes had met, fleetingly, once more,
And my gaze travelled to your lips again.
I don't know you but I wondered, as before,
if you could smile as you did back then?
Your little baby boy Mavi has changed and with him, changed his blog, his website and his personal outlook in life and love. As a saying goes, "Nothing in this world is permanent but change," which is kinda stupid because it also means the veracity of that statement is not so immutable either. Nonetheless, the point is that I have changed, not with the thunderclap that heralds a butterfly's metamorphosis but rather with the silent growth of a crab that had just shed its old exoskeleton. Frankly speaking, I like my new shell better.
This "new" me may not be too different from my former self; it does retain certain recognizable features difficult to erase. However, there are others that are so different, long-lost relatives would often say, "There's something different about you... but I could quite put my finger on it," and long-lost friends, meanwhile, would ask, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Lessee, first there were the philosophies in life. Where before, I would simply have enjoyed the thought of chucking children into the basement incinerator, de-bumming the world with lvl-2 bolt spells and eradicating poverty by eliminating all the "indications of poverty", I now find myself thinking, "I wonder what he ate for lunch today," "What does this guy do for a living?" or even "Does this bum have the means to visit my website?" True, a friend of mine once said life would be simpler if we didn't think of such complications but I do find it rather unsatisfying to spend the rest of my life rolling a katamari of guiltless genocide, although I still would enjoy chucking children into a furnace.
I also found myself stepping outside my selfish confines (for I have not the audacity to claim I am entirely free of it) into the harsh selfish reality of the outside world. It does rock my boat, having to think of matters that don't concern me at all, like war, politics, poverty, higher dimensions and cosmological theories but it's also what rocks my world.
Once a nocturnal creature, I am now, well, honestly speaking, still a creature of the night. However, I do not have the same unhealthy obsession with darkness as before. The sun came into my life and even now, though the reign of the sun is over, I still feel the warmth that was imparted to me. Like a vine, I probed with my tendrils, seeking the light.
All around me, I saw that the universe was not as dark as I had thought. Maybe, if we all took the time to let the tears flow, we'd see much clearer with all the dirt washed away. If we cared enough to weather the storm, we'd find the air much cleaner and less opaque, when all the smoke and smog has been blown away. I suppose if we even just opened our eyes, we'd see that the night is not as dark, hollow and scary as we thought, that even in the absence of the sun, there'd still be the moon and stars and that even on overcast nights, there'd still be streaks of lightning to illuminate our world.
I guess some of my old acquaintances would scorn me for becoming "weak", "human" and a creature of my emotions. The Vulcans would shake their heads and declare me hopeless. Still, however, I, like the renegade Vulcans, am not controlled by my emotions, rather, I am empowered by them. Where before, I would wield the pen (or keyboard, to be more accurate) only in moments of great passion, I now find the word flowing more freely, now that I embraced my "humanity" and the "weakness" they call emotions. (It is, however, not evident in the lengthy time it took me to write another post, I concede. Your little baby boy Mavi has been busy, indeed.)
The Kaleido Star, Layla Hamilton, once realized that to be reborn as a phoenix, one does not always need to step forward. Sometimes, when we reach a dead end, the only way to move forward is to take a step back into the fork in our roads. Our progress does not always lie in eradicating our weaknesses; sometimes, it is in acknowledging these shortcomings that we come to learn how to deal with life even more.
The sorcerer looked up to the night skies and wondered if he'll ever have all the answers. Maybe the fool was not such a bad companion after all. The sun had long set, but oh! there is so much more beauty behind the glaring radiance. To the east, a comet lit the sky, heralding a new era.