Sunday, May 29, 2005


You are a storm cloud looking down on humanity. High up in the sky, you are too preoccupied with your majestic position to even see the details as minute as the worried glances people cast upon you. You do not see the hurtling drops of water you unknowingly pelt the creatures below. What you do see is darkness, not once realizing that it is only your shadow.

You are a very depressed person. Who can blame you? All you see are the negative things in life, how everything could only get worse. Yes, you are an advocate of Murphy's law; you even specialize in creating disaster, if only to entertain yourself. Too bad, these morbid things get so boring after a while. You are jealous of all the happy people; you cannot understand what reason they have to laugh or to smile. Every time someone laughs, you look around nervously, checking to see if they are laughing at you. The cycle goes on, from darkness to jealousy, from paranoia to enmity.

You are so bored with seeing nothing but your shadow. Oh, how much you wish to see the light. Whilst you brood gloomily, the sun shines behind you. How you would like to see its radiant light but you are forbidden. Sunlight brings about evaporation, evaporation leads to disintegration and disintegration causes you great pain. You were simply not raised to see the sun. You are a storm cloud, not one of those happy-go-lucky cirrus or carefree cumulus. It is quite against your nature to look at the sun, though you so long to see some light.

You meet a lot of people in your daily living but most of them just pass you by. After all, a storm cloud is a dangerous phenomenon for the aviators of life. You became desperate for light that you have sunk lower, if only to see. Every now and then, a few bundles of sunlight befriend you. They may be one of your superiors, your senpai perhaps or even the sweet stranger that smiled at you. You have become so weak that you have to search for these kinds of people. When you do find them, you fall; you are quite easily attracted to kindness.

This is not to say you are entirely devoid of light. As you hurtle along with the great mountain wind, you smile. You have always liked speed, the feel of wind whipping against your face and the powerful blast coursing through your body. As lightning surges, you glow momentarily before the light leaves as abruptly as it had come. As you can see, you do have occasional bursts of happy moments every now and then.

Sadly, when the feeling is gone and euphoria gives way to exhaustion, you resume your normal self. Your jealous eyes still sneak across windows, wondering why everyone is so happy. You gloomy thoughts shadow the greenery, unsure why the whole world laughs. Your paranoid drops conquer the surroundings, spying and searching for anyone against you.

However, I still cannot fathom the face behind your mask, or the mask behind your face. As you pass by people, you have a scowl painted across your visage. Every time you meet bundles of sunlight, you paint a gleeful smile on your face. Yet when we see each other, you paint a look with a tinge of pity. You should not be doing this; you are not real. You are nothing more than a mirage on the other side of the mirror.

Please go away.

Streaks of lighting, peals of thunder
rip the firmament across, asunder
The storm cloud endured no greater mass
and burst forth with all the rain it has.

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